Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Ode to CHUCK.....
During a recent beering hour the conversation turned to who really was the greatest action hero of them all...the clear winner was always going to be THE CHUCK...in honour of his greatest...I have prepared a the FACTS of Life...CHUCKS Life...all additions welcome...
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
the information he wants.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought
a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its
neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the
good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fvck down.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket..
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks
and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction
was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took
his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but
was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied,
That's no glitch."
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is
actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,
the man ate a f*cking Indian.