Friday, April 28, 2006


TV these days seems to be filled with cosmetic adverts, with fantastic looking women telling you how they are fighting the signs of ageing by simply applying this cream or that cream, then their 'husband' who happens to be a hunk of a man in his mid twenties walks by and couldn’t agree more.

Which got me to thinking..what are the signs of ageing, is the odd grey hair…or the defined wrinkle or two..or is it even the sporadic noises you start to make when bending down or getting up quickly from a chair…maybe its all of these..or simply a combination. But then it hit me…the real sign of ageing of anyone in the late twenties/thirties is drink related or more particularly the length and breath of hangovers we begin to suffer.

Now..I wasn’t the biggest drinker in ruiniversity but I was solid…the odd all day bender after a history tut at 10am was often followed up with a night of feverish devilment in Docs or Charlie Chaplains……saunter off home at 4.30am…curry chip in hand..maybe have a snack (crisps& chocolate biscuit sandwich) the box for an hour..then finally hit the hay at about 5.30/6am….up at around 10ish..not a bother on me maybe even go for a run!!...

These days that sort of behavior would more than likely require at least a day on the couch..desperatly trying to recuperate in time to make work on a Monday…im not quite sure when this kind of torture kicked in rather its been a quite build up catching me off guard. Nobody warns you about just happens…one day you wake up and going on the beer really means going on the shots…no whiskey…no vodka and red bull…oh you fall off the wagon of course..every now and then usually when you are surrounded with people younger than you, you are deceived into thinking that Frank the Tank is back and you can drink petrol out of a welly…but its not reality, the reality is that you cant drink for about two weeks after as a result. There is no cream to help with this…..that wrecked face staring back at you in the mirror is all your own doing…its your body saying hang on a minute mate……your not as young as you used to be..and if you drink any more of that purple stuff you will end up like your great gran uncle Frank by the time your 30!!!

Theses days…a good night out…is having a few beers and laughing at those who continue the proud Irish tradition of binge drinking…as you settle into your third chuckle hungover is the muppet going to be tomorrow…ah the youth of today!!!.....

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Emmet in Oz - THE MATCH

Im not even sure if this post will make it to ye. If it has to travel through the south Munster coast before reaching the rest of Ireland Id say even the computers will be hung over! What a win! How naive I was to feel nervous. The truth was that they just couldnt loose. They wouldnt go home if they did. Legends! Heroes! Tuatha De Dannan in waiting! Surely O Connell is up there with Boru and Cu Cullan. Not to mention Foley at the head of the table with Leamy and Wallace either side.
They tried to shake me over here. Bloody convicts, with an hour to kick off the power went out. Panic from Condon! Rang every bar that served Guinness in Western Australia. They were watching the Celtic game…. the lot of them. Not too many of Limerick's son's setteled this side of the Shannon it seems. 5 minutes to go the stars aligned. God bless the ESB!

Poor oul Leinster looked shocked when they ran out. Most of them weren't that lost in their own house since their 21st was gatecrashed by a bunch of Engineer's and Ag students from UCD.

Drico resorted to shaking his head by the end. When he'd seen Rob Henderson heading for the West stand before the game he presumed it was on the way to the burger van out the back not to the dressing rooms. If there ever was a man to fill a gap it was Hendo. Should he hang up his boots after this the Munster branch should keep him on and rent him out to beleagured farmers with fencing problems.

As for Felipe, the Argentine learned the hard way the real reason his ancestors on the Spanish Armada stayed off Kinsale - a Corkman has as much red blood running through his veins than any Latin Lord, and a Corkman scorned is a dangerous thing - the truth of Kinsale is probably that the Cork fella's wouldnt have the Spanish steal their thunder.

It's surely no coincidence that the final is in Cardiff. A stadium built for a Red Army. I'll still be nervous, but those Mighty Men will surely do it now..

Munster AbĂș

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Ode to CHUCK.....

During a recent beering hour the conversation turned to who really was the greatest action hero of them all...the clear winner was always going to be THE honour of his greatest...I have prepared a the FACTS of Life...CHUCKS Life...all additions welcome...

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
the information he wants.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought
a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its
neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the
good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fvck down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket..

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks
and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction
was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took
his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but
was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied,
That's no glitch."

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is
actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,
the man ate a f*cking Indian.

Monday, April 10, 2006



Some questions on Irish Ruiniversities to test your knowledge!!

Q. Why don't they have Christmas at DCU?
A. They can't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q. How can you tell if a Trinity student is heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Carlow campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q. What's the first thing a BESS bird does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Trinity?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What does a UCD student call a Trinity student after graduation?
A. Boss.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Carlow?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. Did you hear that the library at DIT Kevin Street burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books weren't coloured-in yet.

Q. Why do UCD graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q. How do you get a IT grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. What do tornadoes and Arts graduates have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.

Q. How many Athlone IT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None - Westmeath looks better in the dark.

Q. How many Trinity students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One - he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

Q. How many UCD students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two - One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any TCD student.

Q. How many NUI Maynooth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Three - One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.

Q. If you see a DIT student on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. What do Science students use for birth control?

A. Their personalities.

Q: What do u call a LIT student in a suit?

A: The Defendant

Q:What do u call a UL graduate in a suit?
A: The LIT student's lawyer